BBB - Big Brazil Bolsonaro Part 3
By Urariano Mota
Same setting as in BBB 1 and 2.
Office with images of the White House. Flags of the United States and Brazil.
General Bozo wearing stars, a cap, and a green-and-yellow sash that reads “Homeland of the Unlimited Militia.”
Characters: General Bozo, Horse, Donkey, People dressed in animal costumes, Reporter, and Photographer.
Reporter – Our almost-president....
General Bozo – President. Go ahead and say it. President Trump assured me that I am the new president.
Reporter – Your Excellency, Mr. President: people are saying around town
General Bozo – Who’s saying that? Speak up!
Reporter – It’s the Workers’ Party members, the communists, the leftists…
General Bozo – Nothing but riffraff that I’m going to put an end to…
Voices – How clever!
Reporter – They’re saying your voters are illiterate.
General Bozo – Oh, really? They don’t know what Bertoldo said about them.
Reporter – Go ahead. I’m recording.
General Bozo – The worst kind of illiterate is the political illiterate.
Donkey – Good thing I never went to school.
Reporter – Did this Bertoldo guy talk about your voters, General?
General Bozo – No! He was referring to the communists. They’re the politically illiterate ones. As for me, I’m only dealing with the truly illiterate.
Voices – How clever!
Reporter – Why are the communists the politically illiterate ones, Your Excellency the President?
General Bozo – Do I really have to explain? Then listen up. The communists want every poor person to have the right to a college education. They want healthcare for everyone, jobs for the underprivileged with the highest salaries...
Horse – That’s absurd!
Donkey – Impossible!
General Bozo – The communists want Black people to be equal to everyone else...
Donkey roars with laughter—brays.
General Bozo – The communists want women to be just as intelligent as men...
Horse roars with laughter—neighs.
General Bozo – Do you see how the communists are the real political illiterates?
Voices – How clever!
Reporter – This Bertoldo guy was a wise man. In his own way...
General Bozo – He wrote that the politically illiterate don’t listen, don’t speak…
A clamor of voices and animals. They shout – The illiterate are mute and deaf. Inferior, mentally retarded!
Donkey – I, for one, speak and hear just fine. I’m out of here.
Horse – I’m a horse. I’m not a communist!
General Bozo – That Bertoldo guy…
Reporter – Was it someone named Brecht?
General Bozo – I don’t know. Brake, Bars—they’re all the same thing. Well, that Bertoldo guy said that the politically illiterate don’t take part in current events…
Donkey – I’m in! (Bray)
Horse – I’m in! (Neigh)
General Bozo – These illiterates shouldn’t be involved in political events.
Reporter – Even I, a reporter for the mainstream media, know that’s not true.
All the animals in an uproar – Who? They’re not your voters.
General Bozo – That’s right! The same guy wrote that the politically illiterate person is so stupid that he takes pride in it and puffs out his chest, saying, “I’m stupid!”
Donkey – Now you’re talking about me. I’m stupid and politically illiterate. And I’m very proud of it.
Horse – Me too. I’m with the donkeys.
General Bozo – And more, and more! He said that the politically illiterate hate politicians. He’s right! Every Democrat hates the right wing.
Donkey – Donkeys! Sorry, General. I’m the donkey. They’re dumber than a donkey.
General Bozo – Doesn’t the imbecile, the tapir, the mule, the horse know that from your political ignorance are born the whore, the slut, the communists, those who want Brazil for Brazilians—the biggest animals in the world.
Donkey – Speak for us!
Horse – Speak for all of us, General Bozo!
General Bozo – These leftists don’t know that the world was meant to be unequal. They don’t know that if they put a poor person in the presidency, Jesus Christ will flee Brazil.
Voices – How clever!
General Bozo – Those idiots—on the other side!—don’t know that satisfied workers shut down companies. If they aren’t starving, who are they going to work for? Anyone who can’t stand hunger and disease should die! We have to save money from the coffers of wealth. Do you want a Universal Health Care System? Drink tea.
Voices – How clever!
General Bozo – The worst of all criminals: the crooked politician, that scoundrel, that corrupt lackey of national corporations...
Donkey – Who is it?
Horse – Who?
General Bozo – I’m not the worst one. I order the killing of gay women, like City Councilwoman Marielle Franco—right? I order schools and universities to be set on fire. I promise to hand over Brazil’s wealth to the United States. I’m the best of the criminals.
Voices – How clever!
(Continues tomorrow)
Urariano Mota is a Brazilian writer and journalist, born in Recife on September 29, 1950. He is the author of novels about the horrors of the Brazilian dictatorship, such as “Soledad no Recife” and “Never-Ending Youth”
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